We Flood Empty Lakes

Todd Burns is a fucking douchebag.

Proof

The reason why Todd Burns is a fucking idiot is not because he trashed albums I love. No. It's because he is the definitive definition of "hipster". Look up "hipster" in Webster's dictionary and you will find a picture of Todd Burns.

Here is one reason why:

Of all the reviews Burns has done, he has reviewed albums by two emo bands: Envy and Circle Takes The Square (both of which are undoubtably the two most popular emo bands out today).

It's obvious from this alone that emo is not a genre he is well-informed about, yet he still decides to write reviews on them.

Hipster rule number 1: Try to show that you know about every genre out there.

Secondly, when he reviews these two bands, he does a terrible job at it.

Burns gave Envy's "Insomniac Doze", a snoozefest Mono rip-off, a 'B' and touts them as "crafting a new genre", yet failing to realize that City of Caterpillar pulled this off back in 2002 and is really the band that should be credited to "crafting a new genre" of post-rock influenced emo.

However, Burns gave CTTS's "As The Roots Undo" a 'C', claiming that CTTS couldn't figure out who they wanted to ape more: The Blood Brothers, Envy, or Godspeed You! Black Emperor. Bar having somewhat spasdic vocals, neither Blood Brothers nor CTTS should ever be compared to one another. They sound NOTHING alike. Also, how is CTTS apeing off The Blood Brothers if CTTS's first release, which is like a mini-"As The Roots Undo", was released in 2001 and The Blood Brother's "Adultery is Ripe" was only released one year before that? CTTS likely didn't even know who The Blood Brothers were when they crafted the backbone of their sound.

And again, if CTTS is apeing off anybody in their genre, it's City of Caterpillar. Not Envy. CTTS and Envy have nothing in common other than being dubbed the title "post-rock influenced emo".

Hipster rule number 2: NAMEDROP!!!

In the reviews of Yndi Halda and Laura, Burns makes the most absurd statement I've ever read in a music article, which states:

"There’s no shortage of bands shamelessly working towards filling the enormous hole that Godspeed You! Black Emperor’s demise left in the post-rock landscape. Most of them are rank amateurs. (This Will Destroy You, dreamend, the Ascent of Everest, Gifts from Enola, the Workhouse, Souvenir's Young America: pack it up and go home, dudes, Efrim will take the violins at the door."

Anyone who knows post-rock well will find this statement to be ridiculously hilarious. Has this guy even ever heard The Workhouse or Gifts From Enola? Because no one in their right mind who has heard those two bands would draw a comparison to GY!BE. That's just ridiculous.

Burns is obviously either mentally challenged or namedropping for the sake of trying to earn credibility.

Another ridiculous statement by Burnsy:

"The production is great as well—something that very often goes unremarked upon by post-rock enthusiasts. "

Umm, this man does realize "the rich history of DIY and desire to gravitate away from the overproduced rock sound" (Jordan Volz) by post-rock bands, right??

All-in-all, Todd Burns is not completely a moron. He has written some nice reviews.

However, dear Mr. Burns, please do not write reviews regarding genres that you don't know much about. - yours truly, Armand